Why do we have desires if they make us suffer?

Q : Dear Gurumaa
If desires lead to suffering why do we have them? How can one not be emotionally attached to one’s family? If desires were not there then would the technology have advanced so much? I am completely confused as to why even bear children if ultimate aim of mankind is Moksha. If I know I am not so evolved to give birth to a Yogi, is it right for me to have a want for children as I am not subjecting them to suffer till they again undergo birth after birth and then get Moksha.

Vaishali

Answer

Vaishali, don’t think that much and that too in these negative lines. Desires and emotions are the part of being human. We have been blessed to have these emotions with us. The problem arises when we don’t know how to manage these emotions and when unnecessarily because of the ignorance we stumble on our emotions and fall down.

You can’t blame the nature for giving us emotions and should rather be thankful to it. From our mother we have experienced nurturing and affections, from father we get so much of inspiration and both financial and emotional support. Brothers & sisters and all other relatives play a very important role is shaping up your personality.

There could be some problems with some relatives and in some family environment but still if you see the larger picture then there might be some blotches here & there. But that doesn’t mean that emotions and attachments are bad. No, they are good. Even attachment is good.

Through attachment only we learn to cling and only one who has learned to cling and one who has enjoyed the worldly affections can come out of it. Attachments are not meant to be stuck in them but are meant to experience them, enjoy them, and one day simply just come out of them.

Have you ever seen a dry leaf falling down from the tree? No one pulls the leaf, no one asks it to come down. Leaf is not making any conscious effort but being with that branch one day it starts getting dried up. Leaf is attached to the branch but slowly the juice flowing in the leaf starts drying up and we see that the color of leaf changes and one day it simply falls down.

The family attachments and the emotions are like an example of tree and leaf. We are like a leaf and family & society are like a tree. Till all the juice of affections and emotions are coming we are happy. But yes, whenever you are happy you should not forget the fact that you can’t continue to be always happy. Happiness comes after sadness.

The fun of meeting a friend is only then when you meet him after a long separation. When two friends or two relatives sit together and live together for long time, all the fun and ecstasy just vanishes. So we need some separation to enjoy the meetings and we need some sadness too to enjoy the happiness. We need death to celebrate life.

Beauty of life is in its contradictions. Wise persons know how to live whereas unwise persons doesn’t know how to live and how to die. That is the reason of their pain and turmoil. See, with pencil you can write beautiful poetries, short stories, novels; you can write anything but with that pencil you can hurt yourself too. Have you ever seen a child who pokes the pencil in his nose, puts it in his ear, put it in his eyes and then cries. Child can also say that throw away all the pencils and pens from home. They are so dangerous why you have kept them at home.

But we always teach the child that it was his mistake to poke the pencil in wrong places and don’t throw away all the pens and pencils from home. Similarly there is no need to throw away all the emotions and attachments. Experience them but with an open eyes. Know that every emotion and attachment has its own limitations.

Every life is followed with death, happiness is followed by sorrows and every meeting is followed by separation. So we should accept life in all its dualities. Problem is we want to remain on bank only; we don’t want separation, we don’t want death, we don’t want sadness, we don’t want misfortunes.

Whether you want something or not, problems are going to be there. Be easy and accept the life in its totality. When sadness comes be sad, when happiness comes enjoy, when death happens be very thoughtful, when birth happens rejoice. Ravindra Nath Tagore, on birth of any child used to say that God is still not angry with the humans and that’s the reason a new being has entered in our life.

Gurumaa

Useful Links

Rise above mind
Pray for enlightment
Break free from desires
Death and life

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Tags: attachment, life