close

Child psychology and good parenting

While dealing with a child, the first thing that a person (parents, teachers etc.) should have is patience. Do not hit/scold a child if he/she dosen't obey you, even if you know that it is for his good. Do not impose things. I'm not saying that you don't punish but this should be your last option. Try to convince the child by giving proper logic. Let him question things. Involve him in a logical discussion, make him understand the rationale/logic/reason behind doing a particular thing. If he dosen't understand things at first stance, give him sometime so that he can think more about it and then he might accept what you are saying. Never hurry with a child. It’s quite right that many a times you may not have so much time for going through this lengthy process but then you could at least explain why you are scolding/hitting him. Even if you cannot do this then at least do not adopt the short cut (third degree punishment) everytime. If a child reacts in a particular manner, try to understand the psychology behind it. Just don't react. Try to become his friend. Place yourself in his position and try to understand his viewpoint.

One of the greatest blunder that the elders commit is that they always try to impose their own viewpoint and decisions on the child without trying to understand the child's stand on it.

By imposing, scolding, hitting, using abusive language you only make a child more repulsive and away from you. First by your own behavior you create fear in your child and then you expect that he should be open and friendly with you. How irrational and unreasonable? You want the end to be picture perfect but you never bother to the means you are applying to achieve this end. How idiotic? You never realize that inspite of your harsh means (hitting/scolding) he is committing the same mistakes repeatedly. Why? Elders need to think about it. If you expect your child to be rational, logical then first you have to behave in a similar manner.

Help him to take decisions, analyze things/issues, share with him your experiences and how did you arrive at a particular decision, what was the thought processes involved. Engage the child in a healthy discussion. Do not underestimate your child. Refrain from calling your child a fool/idiot/snob/capable of doing nothing.

By calling/treating him as an idiot etc. you inculcate inferiority complex, jealousy and low confidence in him. The more you call him fool, idiot etc. the more he will become that- reason- those words play in his subconscious mind and make him believe and act accordingly. So it’s your choice what you want your child to be...

Parents should now realize, how much harm and hindrance they are causing to the child's personality development. Just giving the best of all the materialistic things (sending him to the best school, buying him the costliest of clothing, dining in the best of restaurants etc.) dosen't end your duties and responsibilities. Nor does your duty end by just quoting good lines from scriptures. If you really want your child to follow those then you have to follow it yourself. There is no short cut.

Becoming a parent is one thing but nuturing, bringing and developing a child is altogether a different thing. If you want your child to become a mature person then you have to treat him as one. Give importance to his opinions, discuss with him where he is right/wrong, analyze the pros and cons of the decisions. I think it’s very important for people who interact with a child to study and observe child psychology and act accordingly.

My only request to the elders (parents, teachers, etc) is please help your child in his proper personality development. A well balanced personality is definitely one of the greatest asset a society could have. This is the best gift you could ever give to your society and in a way, to your country. If you could do this then you could say/feel that you have done a great social service. Giving donations, building hospitals, schools etc. is surely a social service, but I think that even if you don’t do this, you must do this social service - give a balanced, matured and well developed personality to the society. This is what society really needs.

close

close